Monday, March 17, 2008

QE18

That's right. It is once again Quest New Year.

For any requiring some historical info... here are my last 3 years posts:
But these posts are hardly Questing in themselves. They do, however, represent to a degree what my mental space is like during this spring-time of change, challenge and renewal.

Last night I was up with a serious case of angst-induced insomnia. I have been concerned all this week that my old nemesis, Rust, was up to his deleterious ways. I'm finding it hard to push myself. To drive boldly ahead. Or rather, I'm not sure what those things are anymore.

Winter is certainly playing a part, as it always does. But there may be more here... I've been Questing since my first year in university. QE1, for me, was March 17th, 1991. I draw a large part of my Quest 'mojo' from those formative years. The problem is that those years were about becoming an adult, not just nominally, but literally. Transitioning to adulthood without losing sense of who I was or what I wanted to become. Questing in the early days was an unquenchable thirst. It was adversity and learning. It was about freedom of choice.

I'm 36 now. I have so much of what I want. My day-to-day life is exceedingly free. I have created the family of my dreams and I have the time and ability to pursue any interest that strikes me. The challenge has increasingly become to describe to myself in what ways can my Quest continue so that I can continue to strive for it. Because without the struggle I feel weak.

I can't continue to fight dragons like when I was 10. I can't surf on the city bus. I can't wear my cloak and army boots to class just to make a point. O.K., I could but it would be a waste of time. They all served their purpose, but they are done and put to rest. To add to what I have learned. To find new ground -- not just a new skill, but a new part of me.

Not much to live up to... but, that's what today is for.